Phillies Pen Brutally Beaten, 37,321 Witness Carnage

(originally posted 8/23/07)

Even The Real Deal has a mediocre outing once in awhile. (Note: "Once in a while"= once every 1.8 outings.) But J. D. Durbin's six inning, five run (four earned) effort looked downright Cole-esque, compared to the brutality of the bullpen's performance. Jose Mesa (1:1.2 bad outing ratio) increased his ERA to 6.86, allowing five runs, and picking up only a single out. The blue glove and the intimidating facial hair were not enough to overcome an unfortunate, and total, lack of pitching ability.

Clay Condrey (1 bad outing for every .34 outings) entered the game after Mesa had loaded the bases, and allowed all three runners to score. (Mesa and his ERA thank Condrey for his efforts.) With the score 10-1 in the 7th, Manuel decided to let Condrey to finish the game. Condrey managed to allow nine hits and five runs (not including the three he allowed on Mesa's behalf) in his 2.2 innings. The Phillies fell 15-3, with their only (visible to the naked eye) offensive sign of life being a two-run Chris Coste homer, which cut the 10-1 deficit to 10-3.

But those who pay attention to that "other, lesser league" may have noticed that the Baltimore Orioles allowed THIRTY runs on the same night that the Phillies permitted a measly fifteen. It was very puzzling, especially considering that this was the first game of a doubleheader, that the Orioles did not use a position player on the mound for a couple of innings. (Like when Baltimore fell behind by, oh, twenty runs.) More importantly, however, Wednesday night's pitching disasters gave me an idea for the Phillies. Instead of moving Patrick Brian Burrell to the bench for defensive purposes, why not move him to the MOUND? Surely, he can do at least well as Messrs. Condrey and Mesa. Plus, the Phillies can keep Burrell's bat in the lineup, and not have to pinch-hit Abraham Orlando Nunez in the pitcher's spot. Burrell's defensive shortcomings ("defensive shortcomings"= "slightly less mobility than a one-legged rhinoceros") won't be a factor as a pitcher, either. It's the kind of move that is perfect for a team in the DH-less league with an almost pitcher-less bullpen. (Pat G., are you reading this?)

In Thursday afternoon's rubber game against Los Angeles, the Phillies will have Fabio Castro make his first major league start. Why the Phillies chose Castro to get the start over J. A. Happ, who has been a much more effective AAA starter (and sometimes strikes people out, to boot!) lately, is still unclear at press time. I'm hopefully optimistic that today's game will be a little bit more competitive that last night's debacle. By the time the top of the seventh had ended, the Phillies had moved into the three spot on the PFiRSN viewing queue, falling into the abyss on the notebook computer. (The Red Sox-Devil Rays played on the HDTV, and the Tigers-Indians game was seen on the bulky desktop.) Very disappointing for a once proud organization. The Phillies did manage to stay ahead of some show featuring a blond, model-ly type woman serving as a news anchor, on the viewing queue. Who comes up with this shit anyways? And how can I send them my ideas? (Mesa, I've got a new job for you...)

Phillies Destroy Bucs

(originally posted 8/17/07)

The Cole Hamels bobblehead improved to 5-2, as the Phillies belted the Pirates, 11-8. Phillies SP J.D. (The Real Deal) Durbin pitched effectively, allowing only two earned runs in six innings in his fifth win. The Phils broke open a 2-1 game with four runs in the fifth, and then four more in the sixth. Pat Burrell went 3 for 3, picking up his 1000th career hit, three RBI, and his 18th homer of the season. Chris Coste and Jimmy Rollins each had three hits, and Aaron Rowand went 2 for 5, with 3 RBI. The Phillies blasted Pirates pitching for sixteen hits. The Bucs tried to come back, bombing Phillies relievers Clay Condrey, Jose Mesa, and Mike Zagurski (all of whom now have ERAs over 5.00), but the deficit (and the Cole bobblehead) were too much to overcome.


The Mets also won, so the NL East deficit remains at three games. But a Braves shutout loss, at the hands of D-Back ace Brandon Webb, extended the Phils' lead over 3rd place Atlanta to a game and a half. If the Astros can beat the Padres (and Jake Peavy) tonight, the Phillies will move into a tie for the Wild Card lead. (Peavy is one of the aces on my fantasy team, so I'm hoping for a low-scoring win for the 'Stros, and a no-decision for Peavy.) The Phillies will go for their third consecutive win Saturday night, sending Jamie Moyer to the mound. In his long career, Moyer has never lost a road game that preceded a concert by The PovertyNeck Hillbillies. With the Phillies streaking, and the Cole Hamels bobblehead in place, Moyer's streak probably won't end Saturday.

EDIT: Peavy pitched seven innings, allowing only one run, and striking out eleven. And got a no decision in the PADRES LOSS! The Phillies are now TIED FOR THE WILD CARD LEAD!

Tuesday Night's Milestone

(originally posted 8/10/07)

I wasn't going to comment on that baseball milestone that occurred on Tuesday night. But it seems that the end of this bloody struggle should not pass unmarked. It should be commemorated in words. Because words offer the means to meaning, and for those that would listen, the annunciation of truth. And the truth is, I am flipping glad he finally got that magic number on Tuesday night. I am sick of all of the media coverage following the damn chase. All of the questions of whether the number is tainted, questions of asterisks, questions of how his head got so damn big. Fairness and justice are more than words, they are perspectives. Tuesday night was marked by a tremendous accomplishment. J. D. Durbin recorded his first career save. Words will always retain their power, so let me leave you with these. J. D. Durbin IS The Real Deal.

Undefeated

(originally posted 7/1/07)
The Phillies remained undefeated in the month of July with a 5-3 win over the Mets today. Their 1.000 winning percentage this month puts them in a tie for MLB's best.
Rookie SP Kyle Kendrick picked up his third win in as many decisions, lowering his ERA to an impressive 4.38. Jimmy Rollins (14th) and Shane Victorino (9th) homered, and Pat Burrell reached base twice in four plate appearances (two walks). The sturdy Phillies bullpen held the Mets to only a single run in two and a third innings, with Antonio Alfonseca picking up his sixth save. The rotund relief ace reduced his fingers to saves ratio (F/S) to 2.00 for the season. The Phillies improved their record to 42-40 (no losses in July!) and extended their winning streak to one games in a row.

The first three games of the Mets series, the ones that were contested in June, did not go as well. But that's ancient history, folk(s). Sure, it would have been nice to win at least one of those three games. But, more importantly, the Phillies unveiled two sensational young phenoms who will probably be #2 and #3 in the starting rotation for decades to come. Hmm. That last sentence may actually be the biggest crock of shit I've ever written. And there have been lots of crocks in these waters.

J. D. Durbin was horrible in his Phillies debut on Friday. He struck out the side in the 1st inning, but then allowed six runs on eight hits in the next three and two-thirds innings. It would have been worse, but Brian (S, not Z) SancheS came out of the pen to strand two of Durbin's runners. Durbin did lower his ERA (one 2007 appearance with Arizona) from 94.50 to 21.94. He will remain in the Phillies bullpen. Another top-notch waiver wire acquistion. Gillick is a fucking magician. Durbin put the Phillies in a 6-1 hole after four innings. The Phillies drew to within 6-5, but Billy (Rat) Wagner struck out the side in the 9th for the save.

Cole Hamels lost the night game of Friday's split doubleheader, 5-2. Hamels allowed three runs in his five innings, on five hits and five (!) walks. He allowed two solo homers, and his ERA rose to 3.87. An unsually poor effort from the 2007-2021 Cy Young Award Winner.

J.A. Happ made his major league debut in Saturday afternoon's nationally-televised 8-3 loss. Happ allowed five earned runs in four innings, permitting seven hits (three HR) and two walks. His ERA of 11.25 and WHIP of 2.25 earned him a return trip to AAA Ottawa. I hear good things about Ottawa. The city, not the AAA ballclub.

One thing that confused me was the fact the Happ and Durbin were given starts against first place NY, while #2 starter Jamie Moyer and #3 starter Adam Eaton were used in the last two games against the last place Reds. Especially considering that the Phillies are chasing NY for the division lead. The Phillies could have thrown Eaton and Moyer, each on extra rest, in the first and third games of the Mets series. Yes, I have just advocated that the Phillies set up their rotation so that they could send a pitcher with a 4.15 ERA, and a pitcher with a 5.75 ERA, against their arch-rivals. This is how bad the Phillies' starting pitching is right now. I long for the days of Don Carman. And Bruce Ruffin. Yikes.

In positive Phillies news (positive news, IN ADDITION TO, their undefeated record in July), three Phillies were named to the NL All-Star team. SP Cole Hamels, 2B Chase Utley, and CF Aaron Rowand will all proudly represent the Fightin' Phils. Rowand has had a tremendous first half (.312, 11, 42), despite persistent trade rumors, approximately 97.2% of which have been started by me. And, yes, I have changed my stance on the whole trading Rowand idea. Now, I want MORE in a trade. He's a flipping All-Star, for goodness sakes!

Strangely, ace reliever Jose Mesa was neither selected for the NL team, nor is he involved in the NL Final Vote. I can only assume that it is because he spent so much time in the AL this season. Because his 8.07 ERA (10.09, including unearned runs) surely merits consideration. But I guess, with every team needing representation, there are always bound to be injustices. He's probably next on the list if an NL pitcher is unable to perform his All-Star duties.

The Phillies go into Houston for a three-game series, starting Monday night. July is a new month, so you can forget about the evils of the past week. Past performance doesn't guarantee future results. Or something.