Policy Change

(Phillies Clubhouse, Bright House Field, Saturday 2/28, 8am)

Charlie Manuel: Before we go over the lineups, there are a few things we need to go over. First off, only Cole is allowed to wear bow ties from now on, the rest of you, well, it's just not working. Second, we're never going to intentionally walk Darnell McDonald in a game that counts. Don't worry about that, it's just not going to happen. Third, there's another policy change the lawyers want me to go over with you, so I'm gonna go ahead and read this sheet here.

(Internal Memo)
As a result of Friday's personnel moves, it has become necessary to amend the Performance Enhancement (PE) policy. Effective immediately, performance-enhancing drugs will no longer be tested on Adam Eaton, prior to use. For the remainder of Spring Training, all PED's will be initially injected into Mike Cervenak.
Failure to adhere to this policy may result in disciplinary action including, but not limited to, suspension and/or loss of pay.
The Organization would like to thank Adam for all of his contributions, and wish him luck in his future endeavors.

Charlie Manuel: OK. That's it. You guys know I was just reading that, right? Because I wasn't really feeling that last part.

(Mike Cervenak hurries into the room, taking a seat next to Andy Tracy.)

Cervenak (to Tracy): Did I miss anything? The security guards didn't believe I was a player, even though they let me in yesterday!

Tracy (to Cervenak): Nope, you didn't miss anything. Except, no more bow ties.

Cervenak: That sucks, I look good in bow ties.