The Lidge Meeting (Unofficial Transcript)

(Tuesday, June 9th, an undisclosed Manhattan location)

Phillies General Manager Ruben Amaro, Assistant GM Scott Proefrock, Manager Charlie Manuel, Pitching Coach Rich Dubee, Broadcaster Chris Wheeler, and Pitcher Brad Lidge sit in a conference room. All of the principals are dressed in "business-casual" attire, with the exception of Wheeler, who is sporting a Hawaiian shirt, and one of Sarge Matthews' hats.)

Amaro: Brad, I'm sure you know why we've called you here today.
Lidge: Of course, I was expecting that we'd meet. It's imperative that we discuss our philosophy for the First-Year Player Draft, to make certain that we are all on the same page.
Amaro: Our draft philosophy, as always, will be to take the best available player. We are here to discuss your performance this season.
Lidge: We've talked about my performance already. We decided it was bad luck. BABIP, and whatnot.
(Amaro, Manuel, Dubee, and Wheeler all look at Lidge, quizzically.)
Proefrock: It's true that your BABIP has been rather high. But we are concerned with your velocity and command.
Wheeler: Right. Your slide ball has been middle-in.
Dubee: Your knee is affecting your mechanics, which is affecting your control.
Amaro: We need to get you right for the playoffs. We think some time on the disabled list will be the best move for you, and the best move for the organization.
Lidge: Why now? Is it because of the games in LA?
Manuel: We've been thinkin' about this for awhile.
Wheeler: Right.
Lidge: I still don't understand why we waited until now. I can pitch through the pain, and we've told everyone that my knee is fine.
Dubee: We didn't want everybody trying to bunt against you.
Wheeler: As you said, Dubes, we need to make them work for runs.
Amaro: The timing is due to the fact that we have a limited window in which to add a player to the major league roster.
Lidge: We're trading for Willingham?!
Manuel: We're getting a righty outfielder for the bench?!
Wheeler: That Willingham plays the game the right way!
Proefrock: No. We have the opportunity to add Paul Bako to the roster.
Lidge: Why didn't you say that in the first place? I am honored to surrender my roster spot to Paul Bako. You probably could have just optioned Taschner, but I'm glad to give my spot to a Proven Veteran.
Amaro: Brad, we really appreciate what you are doing. With you healthy, and Bako on the team, another World Series could be in the offing.
(The principals all shake hands, Lidge leaves the room.)
Wheeler: That guy's all class.

(Dubee and Manuel leave together. Wheeler gets up to leave, taking his cell phone out of his pocket.)

Amaro (to Wheeler): Don't be Tweeting about this meeting, Christopher!
(Wheeler smiles sheepishly, puts his cell back in his pocket, and leaves the room. Amaro and Proefrock remain, studying a laptop screen. In the hallway, Dubee and Manuel walk towards the elevator.)

Manuel (to Dubee): Who's Taschner?