Manuel Challenges Victorino

(On Saturday, CF Shane Victorino played all nine innings of an exhibition game, which is unusual for a starter. After the game, Victorino was called into the Manager's Office to meet with Charlie Manuel.)


CM: Have a seat, Shane. I'm sure you'd like to know why I've called this meeting.

SV: I know why I'm here, Skip. I know I haven't been working as hard as I could be down here. Maybe, I've been a little distracted by all the pranks, and the mini golf, and, whatever. But, I know I can do better. And, I understand why you kept me in the whole game today.

CM: You played the whole game? I guess they forgot to send So (Taguchi) in for you. I told them to do that before I left.

SV: Left?

CM: Yep. I had to check about a job opportunity. With this team, it looks like I need to plan for my future. What do we have, two starting pitchers? I'm no math whiz, but I know that's not going to cut it.

SV: Jamie (Moyer) and Kyle (Kendrick) will be fine. And Adam (Eaton) will be...Well, four starting pitchers is pretty good.

CM: But our lineup is going to lead the league in whiffs!

SV: Actually, strikeouts aren't that bad any more. Besides, it's not like you can strike out more than three times in an inning.

CM: That's true. Plus, I did see Pedro (Feliz) take a pitch the other day.

SV: I'm pretty sure that didn't actually happen, but that doesn't mean it can't happen in the future. Just like Flash (Gordon) pitching a scoreless inning some day isn't impossible.

CM: Don't remind me about the bullpen. The only guy out there in my long-term plans is Clay (Condrey).

SV: Brad (Lidge) and Ryan (Madson) should be pretty good this year.

CM: Maybe. But I'll be managing a restaurant by August, and Clay is going to be my Head Chef!

SV: Clay is a pretty sweet cook...But, what do you know about managing a restaurant?

CM: (in a confident voice) Well, I've seen a bunch of episodes of Ramsey's Kitchen Nightmares, plus I'm a Manager already, so I don't think I'll have much of a problem. (in a suddenly concerned voice) Unless there are double switches. Will there be double switches?

SV: Um, Skip, why did you call me in here again?

CM: I've been playing a lot of Boggle lately. And I am ready to challenge you to a game.

SV: Umm OK. Maybe another time. Is there anything else?

CM: Actually, yes. Do you have any mirrors in your house?

SV: I see what you're getting at- I need to look at myself in the mirror and make some...

CM (interrupts): No. No. No. If you need mirrors, I can get you a deal. I know a guy.

SV (stands up): OK, Skip, good talk. Try to stay positive. We'll be in the playoffs again. For sure.

CM: Sure, I can be positive. But, if Red Robin calls about my job app, I'll be listening to what they have to say.